How Soon is Now?

I have a weird relationship with churches.

Being an atheist, there are typically only two occasions I visit churches: weddings and funerals. Fortunately, I've attended more of the former than the latter, but today was different. In fact, now that I think about it, in the last couple of years the scale has begun to even out, which I guess might be a sign of where I am in life.

What's interesting about my visits to churches is that they offer me time to think: for weddings, pondering what lies ahead in life; for funerals, reflecting on what has happened in life thus far. And this goes for those I've come to celebrate and myself, because I don't think you can get away from doing that in churches (which might be a reason they hold such allure as places of peace, tranquility and reflection to begin with).

Today's ceremony was beautiful - the surroundings, the music, and the overwhelming show of support for my friend who lost her husband and the father to her two kids - but, the reality is that it really wasn't supposed to happen....not to a guy that's in his early 40's, right? With years of life and fatherhood left before him? It got me thinking....you know, because that's what funerals do to you. One can't help but think "how is she going to make it without her husband?" or "it's so sad that his daughter will only have pictures and videos and stories to know Daddy as she's growing up."

Or, "that could be me."

I walked away from the ceremony today with a fresh perspective. It's been brewing for the last few weeks, but was nailed home this afternoon. The perspective? I need to quit talking about how I need to do this, how I need to find time to get together with so-and-so, and start doing it. Sure, life is complicated, and there are feelings that need to be set aside in order for some of these things to happen. But, when the day comes when it's my time - whether I'm ready for it or not - I don't want anyone sitting there reflecting "it's a shame that we never got together" or "Frank never did take that kayaking trip he always talked about."

It's time to make sure I am living life to its fullest. And making time for those that I love.

How soon is now?